I don't know who, if anyone at all, is still visiting this site but... I thought I'd release anyways.  As you all know I've been here in Washington DC for about 6 months now and well, there is much to be thankful for, yet much to be sorry for. 

I have enjoyed my new position in this place of big names and high stature but I lack that which hits my heart the hardest; godly substance.  I have had the opportunity to show some of who I am (because of God) at work and I have been blessed no doubt.  But here I am, 6 months into where I wanted to be and thought I was following God's word to be, yet I am empty.  An emptiness tears at my heart that I have neglected for far too long.  I have abandoned a relationship that was strong and full of God; I have cared more for earning my place here in this world in this time than I have for the relationship I hold with the father of fathers; and I have accepted being "normal" in the eyes of business and commercial intellect. 

So here lies my soul; like a bleeding gladiator lying on top of a battle torn hill top.  Watching as every drop of life washes down the hill side, watching it as if there was nothing that could stop the bleeding.  But there is... And he awaits my call.  And in knowing his patience, I put it off as if tomorrow will be more welcoming to my coming to the light.  As if the morrow is going to be easier and I will be more ready to accept my sins and my transgressions.

I write all of this because here we are, us JCWarriors, sometimes beaten and battered but yet always lifting up that one hand in desperation.  I walk the streets of DC with my heart on my face, and my soul hanging from my neck like an empty bag.  Do you know this feeling?  How many times have you met this rock bottom?  And I don't mean how many times have you had a bad day, I mean being spiritually empty.  I used to consider myself a decent runner, I thought that being a decent runner gave me an awareness of the marathon that our spiritual life consists of.  Yet I am still learning to tie my shoes. 

So if you haven't noticed, a little prayer is needed for this desperate warrior.   I know that I have something to give beyond the scope of what I'm already a part of.  I KNOW that I am missing my call at this moment, and that I have been brought here for a reason, but I've been sidetracked and need to find my path again.  I will be seeking my compass and shooting for north, humbly carrying my bag of apologies behind me.


God Bless.